"At least I'm okay." - John McCain on 9/11

"Maybe, just once, someone will call me "sir" without adding, "you're making a scene." -John McCain on free trade

"One time a pipe in my sink burst so I can relate to what they're going through" - John McCain on Hurricane Katrina victims

"It blows my mind that there are people out there who deny the holocaust. Why would you ever deny such a great achievement. It's like denying the cure for polio or something." - John McCain on holocaust deniers

"Joe Lieberman can suck a mad cock." - John McCain on how well Joe Lieberman sucks the cock.

"he looks like an educated chimp. I can't see why anyone with half a brain would want to vote for that stink-ape" - John McCain on Barack Obama

"If God wanted women to be treated equally to men, he'd have given them penises." - John McCain on Women

"Sometimes, I go to Barnes & Noble with the sole intention of moving all copies of the bible to the non-fiction section." - John McCain on religion

"I mean, they lost both parents. That's just careless." - John McCain on orphans

"My family is just like any American family. I teach my children the values of compassion, dedication, and annihilating the impure with a sword of holy fire just like any other father." - John McCain on Religion

"Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of killing unwanted babies, it's just that the idea of letting women make a decision doesn't sit well with me." - John McCain on Abortion

"I'm not being insensitive, but maybe Steve Irwin started it. Not like he can say otherwise now." - John McCain on Steve Irwin

"It's not gay to suck your own dick, only if you swallow." - John McCain on being Political Correct