I'm in the process of moving, so no new updates until I get settled. Moving sucks.
There's a big list of classic movies getting ready to be remade or re-imagined. One of my biggest pet peeves is seeing an old favorite destroyed by the current Hollywood machine. A prime example is Death Race (2008) directed by Paul WS Anderson. Death Race 2000 from 1975 is a certifiable cult classic and as such shouldn't be tampered with. The current incarnation completely changed the story and sucked all of the fun and humor out of the film in the process. Same goes for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre from 1974. The 2003 version removed EVERYTHING that made the original good. Genuine shock and horror was replaced by over the top gore and t&a. I'm all for t&a adding value to a flick, but don't use it as a substitute for competent film making. Here's my list of films that should NOT get a remake.
#1 - The Evil Dead (1981)
Sam Raimi created a low budget masterpiece that is now up for a remake by - Sam Raimi. Sam- don't try to improve on your past. The original film couldn't be any better than it already is. You're turning into George Lucas by doing this.
Here' s a clip of the original - you can't improve on perfection:
#2 - Logan’s Run (1976)
The story of a utopia set in a shopping mall. just don't plan on living past 30, and don't let your sandman partner find out you're leaving. The remake is set for 2010. Whatta you bet the character Jessica (played by Jenny Agutter in the original) gets replaced by Jessica Simpson or some other bubble headed bimbo with big boobs and no acting ability whatsoever?
#3 - Friday The 13th (1980)
Set to be released in 2009 by the Same doofus that remade Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Marcus Nispel) - I'm sure this movie will suck compared to the original. Come on Marcus, you've already ruined one classic. Are you really trying to be the next Uwe Boll?
#4 - Hellraiser (1987)
Due out next January and sure to suck. Who knows if Doug Bradley will return as Pinhead or not? I hope it tanks.
#5 - TRON (1982)
Rumor has it that in 1982, many of the Disney animators refused to work on the movie TRON for fear that it would render their classic hand drawn artistry obsolete. The movie still has a look and style that is compelling today. Let's see how the 2010 version screws it up.
#6 - Clash of the Titans (1981)
The classic Ray Harryhausen visual masterpiece is scheduled for a 2010 remake by Stephen Norrington of Blade and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen fame. All of that cool claymation will probably be replaced by cheap looking CGI.
#7 - Akira (1988)
The classic anime is being slated for a two part renovation, possibly starring Leonardo DiCaprio of all people. Sorry. I won't be attending this one.
#8 - A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984)
Please, I'm begging you Hollywood. Leave my classic horror films alone! Since it's going to be from Michael Bay, you know it will be a snooze fest! A totally CGI one at that. I'm so sorry Freddie.
#9 - Escape From New York (1981)
There's simply no way, NO WAY that this movie could possibly be made any better. The Caddy with Chandeliers on the front? Irreplaceable. The release is supposed to be scheduled for 2009.
#10 - Near Dark (1987)
I LOVE THIS MOVIE! If you can find this film you owe it to yourself to give it go. The mood and backdrop is totally like the area I live in. Perfect atmosphere for this Midwest vampire flick. The remake is to be made by music video director Samuel Bayer, so you know it will only be watchable by the current generation of a.d.d. afflicted MTV viewers. I love this movie so much that I may just do a separate write up about it.
That's all the time I have for now, but be sure to check back as I will be continuing this list in the future. I recently found out there is a remake of Blade Runner coming and I surely have something to say about that! If you know of any films that should be added in a future installment, or disagree about a particular film, be sure to leave a comment!
Apparently McDonald's has turned into a creepy place since I was a child.
Check this out:
- Look at those evil eyes. She looks like she's a zombie about to assault you with that burger.
Also this:
- I'm not quite sure I'm ready for an emo, punk, junkie Ronald. I was waiting for him to pull his kit from his pocket to tie off with. That or some sort of dildo.
Need more proof? OK here you go:
How about a little truth in advertising? Lke this:
The examples above, plus the virus infected MP3 players from 2006 proves beyond a doubt that McDonald's is evil. I always knew there was something off about Ronald and those burgers. Speaking of zombies:
From tattooique
They drill small holes in your scull, then pass a metal (gold or silver) ring through them. The trick is that the ring presses the brain tissue and invokes euphoria. The whole procedure is carried under an anesthesia and after the ring is passed, it does not cause any pain.
So they will cut you hair first, then bore in your scull two tiny foramens with a drill, then drag the ring through them with the bent needle. The foramens will be done on your nucha - there is an especially sensitive range of a brain. The ring will easily massage it and keep you in the state of euphoria. The only problem you can face is that you will have to try hard to find a piercer. There are very few persons capable. And the price is $1000 for the whole procedure.
$1000 to be happy all the time? Sounds like a bargain to me!!! I think I should do this...
